Meditation..

(This post is only in English)

It was a bit cloudy in the mountains today, but it does not stop Lillian from an outdoor meditation.

I sit down on a stone, feel like I get in touch with Mother Earth and listen to the sounds. The silence is the right word, but it is only broken by the stream running next to me.

First, I take a look at the stream that trickles. Look at the water and the patterns in it. I see the stones on the bottom and it flows.

I close my eyes and my soul goes on adventure.

I stand on the highest mountain and look down on the dense deep forest and cry out loud over mountains, plains, fjords and other fauna. «I managed it» …

I see for myself the «ladder» I have climbed up and down so many times. When I have climbed a step up, I have fallen three steps down again.

The road from the abyss and just getting the «head over the water» has been a battle on my own.

I imagine the steep and slippery mountainsides where nothing has been used.

Then it has been to walk sideways a good distance with the ladder on the back which weighs extra.

Sleeping and heavy it has been, where mouse steps have become a nightmare and I just want wings like a bird so I can escape over the challenging mountains I have in front of me.

Again, I want to welcome my thoughts as if they are guests in my house with me. Taking them kindly in and when it’s time to go, I say goodbye and close the door.

-This is so powerful to me, and help me a lot.

Thank you nature and Mother Earth.

-Orkidedatter-

Colorless

(English text after the Norwegian text).

Hun tar sine siste skritt.

Her hun kaller sitt hjem.

Hun snur seg og ser sine egne fotspor.

Hun var ikke klar over at de så slik ut.

Hun opplever at den ene foten skiller seg ut fra den andre.

Det er som hennes fotspor prøver å si henne noe.

Hennes fotspor er overalt på dette stedet.

Så mye følelser.

Hun ønsker bare å viske de bort.

Hun skal snart ut på en reise.

En reise der hun skal farge alle farger i regnbuen, i vinden og på sine vinger.

Hun ser for seg en hvit sommerfugl.

Flyr igjennom kraftig motvind.

Faller.

Ligger livløs på bakken.

Hun stryker den varsomt.

Hun ser et lite sår i den skjøre kroppen.

Det vil alltid bli et arr.

Hun løfter den opp mot himmelen.

Håper den er sterk nok til å fly.

Sommerfuglens følehorn beveger seg opp og ned.

Retter litt på vingene sine.

Løfter seg opp og flyr.

Langt borte i horisonten er den bare en svart prikk.

I hånden hennes ligger sommerfuglens avtrykk igjen.

Sommerfuglens støv skinner som glitter i hennes hånd i alle mulige farger.

Så den hvite sommerfuglen var ikke helt hvit alikevel…

Den gjemte bare sin skjønnhet.

Kanskje en dag alle ser hvor vakker den fargeløse og hvite sommerfuglen er…

-Orkidedatter-

//

Colorless:

She takes her final steps.

Here she calls her home.

She turns around and sees her own footsteps.

She didn’t realize they looked like this.

She feels that one foot stands out from the other.

It’s like her footsteps trying to tell her something.

Her footsteps are everywhere in this place.

So much emotion.

She just wants to wipe them away.

She will soon be on a journey.

A journey where she will color all colors in the rainbow,

in the wind and in her colorless wings.

She envisions a white butterfly.

Feeling through heavy headwinds.

Fall.

Lives lifeless on the ground.

She strokes it gently.

She sees a small wound in the fragile body.

It will always be a scar.

She lifts it up to the sky.

Hope it is strong enough to fly.

The butterfly’s feelings move up and down.

Turns its wings slightly.

Raises up and flies.

Long away from the horizon it is just a black shadow.

In her hand, the butterfly’s imprint is again.

Dust shines like glitter in her hand,

in all possible colors.

So the white colorless butterfly was not quite white anyway …

It just hid its beauty.

Maybe someday everyone sees how

beautiful the colorless and white butterfly is …

-Orkidedatter-

Norwegian nature embraces her soul🦋

(This post is only in English)

Norwgian nature, Norwegian blogger

In the mountains far in the big wide tundra she feels small. If Mother Earth decides to shake a little, she has no other choice to join in on what’s happening and let fate determine the outcome.

Norwegian nature Norwegian blogger

She sees so far the eye can reach, and the sun shines from the most beautiful blue sky. With paper and pencil she has next to her, she lays down in the snow.

She makes a snow angel … and embraces herself with the energy of nature.

Norwegian nature Norwegian blogger.

The blue sky reminds her that there is no end, nor any start up there, but a whole eternity. She closes her eyes and feels.

Feeling the force of her heartbeat and her Viking blood running in her vains.

Her blood bubbles and she can feel the presence of something she doesn’t know.

Only her imagination can put an end to her dreams ..

Norwegian nature, Norwegian blogger

Music notes appear as a movie in her head. Every note has its sound, every sound has its picture and every picture gives her a word …

Where the ancestors have settled from the old times it gives her roots from a time she has not seen, but which she can only feel.

The meditation helps her to sense the nature and it feels like home.

norwegian blogger Norwegian nature

Far down there she can hear the sound of Norway’s longest river. It crumbles, rush and flows like in a rosewood thirst for water.

At the end of the long miles it runs into the ocean and becomes one with the world.

She feels lucky to experience this. It smells like winter and spring. A summer mood at the bottom of the river where withered leaves turns into grass and moss.

Where the little sprouts of the trees and flowers are fighting for life to flourish. Everything will come to life after King Winter’s farewell.

She’s finished now, and thanks her spirit and soul, and thanks Mother Earth for this time. She knows she’s coming back in the summer. With a hope to flourish like the mountain in hope and faith.

At home in the sunset, she is grateful. She writes it down in a book she calls «Orchid Garden». Here she fills up the blank sheets with positive things and experiences.

She sits quietly until the sun has gone completely down. She can still feel the warmth of the sunset that spreads her colors around the world with a prayer to all of us for love.

In the sunrise the next morning there is a new day …

It’s quiet, only the birds that chirp a jolly song break the silence. Only the trees in her garden whiz a gently good morning and flutter with their big branches so her hair flutters.

She always has pen and paper with her, and this time she writes the notes in her mind in the form of a poem and she has her paint brush and colors ready.

What turns into life in her drawing book will she discover soon…

-Orkidedatter-

I am me

(English text after the Norwegian text)

Keg er meg i am me norwegian blogger norway fandelion child cop with life mental health

Jeg er meg

Før du dømmer meg må du lytte.

Men du snakker til meg som jeg var et barn.

Vet du at det provoserer meg.

Men du vil ikke vite hvorfor.

Fordi du kan ikke forestille deg hva du kommer til å måtte lytte til.

Jeg er voksen. Jeg har levd lenge.

Jeg har kjempet meg igjennom livets harde skole.

Jeg har kjempet meg til hit jeg er idag.

Jeg kjempet meg igjennom erfaringer du ikke vet noe om.

Hei du, ikke snakk til meg som jeg ikke har vært ute i livet eller levd en stund.

Vettu, at ALLE har sitt liv. Alle har levd sitt liv, og alle har en historie.

Til og med du, som ikke virker å ha den minste respekt for andre. Eller være litt ydmyk.

Ikke snakk til meg som jeg var et barn som ikke kan noe.

Men, du skal ikke undervurdere barn…

Jeg føler mitt hjerte og min sjel vrir seg i smerte, men jeg kan takle det.

Det er andre mennesker jeg tenker på som kanskje ikke gjør det, som jeg vet du snakker med.

Kanskje er du redd?

Kanskje er du for stolt?

Kanskje er du usikker?

Kanskje det er en grunn?

Allikevel trigger dette meg, men jeg viser det ikke, men jeg kjenner grunnen.

Jeg smiler tappert og tar med mitt hjerte og min sjel hjem som trenger omsorg.

Jeg kan gå ut i skogen fordi jeg får lyst til å rope.

Jeg velger heller å meditere.

Jeg blir lei meg.

Hvor har det blitt av høfligheten og den gode gamle folkeskikken?

For meg, uansett, hvem jeg møter, møter jeg er menneske.

Et menneske jeg ikke kjenner, et menneske jeg ikke vet noe om og et menneske jeg ikke har noen grunn til å dømme, fordi det er et medmenneske.

Men, dessverre, jeg vil alltid være hun jenta som er rar og annerledes.

Jeg vil alltid være hun datteren til de foreldrene som også er litt annerledes.

Jeg vil alltid være hun som kommer fra er hjem med fyll og bråk og vold i hjemmet og……

Jeg vil alltid være «noe» fra min fortid.

Det går aldri over.

Jeg må alltid leve med hvem jeg er og hvor jeg kommer i fra.

Men, jeg er meg, og vil alltid være hun som ikke er som alle andre.

Idag, tørr jeg å si at det er jeg stolt av, men jeg vet at det fortsatt er en lang vei å gå.

-Orkidedatter-

//

I am me...

Before you judge me, you must listen.

But you talk to me as I was a child.

You know it provokes me.

But you don’t want to know why.

Because you can’t imagine what you’re going to have to listen to.

I’m an adult.

I’ve lived long.

I have fought my way through life’s «hard school».

I have fought myself to be here today.

I struggled through experiences you don’t know anything about.

Hey you, don’t talk to me as I haven’t been in life or lived for a while.

You know, that ALL has their lives.

Everyone has lived their lives and everyone has a story.

Even you, who do not seem to have the least respect for others.

Or be a little humble.

Don’t talk to me as I was a child who can’t do anything.

But, you should not underestimate children.

I feel my heart and my soul twist in pain, but I can cope with it.

There are other people I think of that may not, as I know you are talking to.

Maybe you’re scared?

Maybe you’re too proud?

Maybe you’re unsure?

Maybe there’s a reason?

Anyway, this triggers me, but I don’t show it, but I know the reason.

I smile bravely and bring my heart and soul home and it needs care.

I can go out into the woods because I want to shout.

I rather choose to meditate.

I am getting sad.

Where has it become of courtesy and good old common decency?

For me, no matter who I meet, I meet a human being.

A human being I do not know, a human being I do not know anything about and a human being I have no reason to judge, because it is a fellow human.

But, unfortunately, I always want to be the girl who is weird and different.

I always want to be the daughter of those parents who are also slightly different.

I will always be the one who comes from a home with fill and trouble and domestic violence and ……

I will always be «something» from my past.

It never goes away.

I must always live with who I am and where I come from.

But, I am, and will always be she who is not like everyone else.

Today, I dare say that I’m proud of it, but I know it’s still a long way to go.

-Orkidedatter-

I will always remember you like this.

(English text after Norwegian text)

Du og jeg i solnedgang som brenner i mine øyne og hud. Vi ser på hverandre og jeg føler meg som et bål. Jeg er i full fyr og jeg gløder. Jeg ser i dine øyne at du er betatt, at du elsker meg og er begravet i min sjel. Akkurat  -her og nå-. Du klarer alltid å finne det gode i meg. Det er så mye jeg skulle ha sagt.

Jeg vil alltid huske deg I will always remember you du og jeg you and me lovers kjærester Norwegian blogger lovers in Norway Orkidedatter

Solen er på vei ned, jeg er på vei opp. Du og jeg sammen skal bestige fjell i natt. Du får meg alltid til å smile og føle meg elsket og bra. Jeg trodde aldri jeg skulle føle igjen. Det er vanskelig å finne de rette ordene til deg fordi du fortjener bare det beste. Jeg har gitt deg mitt hjerte, du fanget min sjel og sammen er vi fyrverkeri. Jeg vil alltid huske deg slik.

Når du tar på meg kjenner jeg det brenner  i mitt innerste meg og hjertet mitt står i brann. Allikevel gjør det vondt. Er jeg god nok for deg? Solen går ned og mørket kommer snikende frem. Jeg hutrer, men jeg er glad i mørket. Jeg føler meg best da. Du tenner en gnist i meg som får mørket til å bli noe av det vakreste jeg vet om. Det er så mye jeg skulle ha sagt.

Du og jeg i natt smelter sammen som to vanndråper som passer sammen i hverandre, samtidig så forskjellige med ulike farger vi farger hverandre og verden vi lever i. Håper jeg alltid husker oss slik.

Du vet alltid hva som er best for meg, og jeg følger deg hvor som helst. Allikevel gjør det vondt. Er jeg god nok for deg? Du fortjener bare det beste, og er det meg? Du trenger noe mer til jeg finner meg selv igjen. Det er vanskelig, og i mine dårlige tider frykter jeg meg selv.

Når jeg har det bra-farger jeg mine skjøre vinger og sprer de utover og «flyr». Jeg er i min dypeste sjel og inn i mitt innerste meg og fyller meg opp i mitt hjertet med kjærlighet. Jeg dykker langt ned for å finne «diamanten» i meg. Det er så mye jeg skulle sagt.

Jeg mister kontrollen, jeg vet jeg er et rot, jeg kjemper og jeg vet ikke om jeg vinner? Jeg trenger tid, men det er ikke vanskelig å elske deg. Jeg er trygg hos deg, og du finner alltid kjærligheten i meg. Det er så mye jeg skulle sagt, men jeg finner ikke de riktige ordene.

Solen går ned. Du legger dine armer rundt meg og legger meg forsiktig ned. Kysser meg fjærlett på munnen og nedover halsen. Mitt hjerte dunker og brer sin flamme rundt i hele meg. Jeg står i brann, må ha deg, du fanger meg og brer din trygghet og kjærlighet rundt meg. Jeg hikster og du klemmer meg varsomt. med ømhet du kjærtegner hele meg. Jeg håper det ikke er en drøm. Jeg vil alltid huske deg slik. Det er så mye jeg skulle sagt, men jeg finner ikke de riktige ordene.

Jeg er redd for å miste deg fordi jeg elsker deg. Allikevel gjør det vondt. Jeg har åpnet mitt hjerte og sluppet deg inn. La oss stoppe verden, la oss elske til evig tid. Du får meg til å føle meg levende, alt er ekte -du er alt jeg trenger-

Mine skjøre vinger lærer å fly igjen og jeg har så mye jeg skulle sagt, men jeg finner ikke de riktige ordene. Jeg vil alltid huske deg slik. I solnedgangen, i natt og jeg vil ikke miste deg. Jeg velger å åpne opp mine vinger  å gi meg fult og hen til deg.  La oss «fly» sammen. Vi brer rundt oss med kjærlighet, smelter sammen og vi er ett.

Jeg vil alltid huske deg slik.

 

-Orkidèdatter-

//

I will always remember you like this.

You and I at sunset who burn in my eyes and skin. We look at each other and I feel like a bonfire. I’m in the full guy and I glow. I see in your eyes that you are captivated, that you love me and are buried in my soul. Just here and now. You can always find the good in me. There is so much I should have said.

The sun is coming down, I’m on my way up. You and I will climb mountains tonight. You always make me smile and feel loved and good. I never thought I should feel again. It’s hard to find the right words for you because you just deserve the best. I have given you my heart, you captured my soul and together we are fireworks. I will always remember you that way.

When you touch me, I feel it burns in my heart and my heart is on fire. Anyway, it hurts. Am I good enough for you? The sun goes down and the darkness creeps forward. I hut, but I love the dark. I feel best then. You light a spark in me that makes the darkness become something of the most beautiful I know of. There is so much I should have said.

You and I tonight melt together as two water drops that fit together in each other, at the same time so different with different colors we color each other with and the world we live in. Hope I always remember us that way.

You always know what’s best for me, and I follow you anywhere. Anyway, it hurts. Am I good enough for you? You just deserve the best, and is it me? You need something more until I find myself again. It’s difficult, and in my bad times I fear myself.

When I feel good, I color my fragile wings and spread them out and fly. I am in my deepest soul and into my innermost mind and fill myself up in my heart with love. I dive far down to find the «diamond» in me. There is so much I should say.

I lose control, I know I’m a mess, I’m fighting and I don’t know if I win? I need time, but it’s not hard to love. I’m safe with you, and you always find the love in me. There is so much I should say, but I can’t find the right words.

The sun goes down. You put your arms around me and put me down gently. Kisses me featherly on the mouth and down the neck. My heart is pounding and spreading its flame around me. I am on fire, must have you, you catch me and bring your security and love around me. I hiccup and you hug me gently. with tenderness you caress all over me. I hope it’s not a dream. I will always remember you that way. There is so much I should say, but I can’t find the right words.

I’m afraid of losing you because I love you. Anyway, it hurts. I have opened my heart and let you in. Let’s stop the world, let’s love forever. You make me feel alive, everything is real – you’re all I need –

My fragile wings learn to fly again and I have so much to say, but I can’t find the right words. I will always remember you that way. In the sunset, tonight and I will not lose you. I choose to open up my wings to give myself fullness and to you. Let’s fly together. We are around us with love, melting together and we are one.

I will always remember you that way.

-Orkidèdatter-

 

 

My broken heart…

I`m so incredibly appreciated by all my followers and readers out there in every corner of the world. I am so grateful and can’t thank you enough. I posted this post a few days ago and I got lovely respons, and I want to share this in English. This is written from the depths of my soul and from my heart.

 Dandelion children, broken heart, coping with life, quality of life, et knust hjerte, barndom, childhood, freedom, mental health, psykisk helse, shame, fault,

Having experienced and experienced a trip to the «Abyss» that I call it – and still working my way up to be as healthy as I can, many thoughts and feelings have been through my heart and my head. Someone I can pass on, others I have to learn to live with.

 

I have often thought of this with mental health and fear in the soul and emotional breakdown. In relation to this with physical pain, such as: a bone fracture. If I could choose, the choice would not have been so difficult, I would have chosen a bone fracture. Physical pain goes over and the body heals itself, you get well again ….

Why can’t it be that way with the psychic pain? … I can have patience with a physical wound and wait, it’s over. My mental pain has no waiting time. I’ve been waiting long enough, trying to trick my mind, but no. The wounds in the heart are still there and linked with me – emotional thoughts and emotions. A heart full of sorrow because of my time here on earth and what it has given me. Grief over my «luggage» from childhood, adolescence and adulthood. Where my emotional pain in my broken heart evokes anxiety that looks for places of refuge in nooks and crannies inside my body where it can germinate and grow with pace with both depressed and destructive thoughts that bring with it an emotional burst that gets tougher.

 

I often feel «trapped». «Caught» because I stopped living and do not give myself my own freedom. I have become «blind» and stuck to a «dead end». I live in the «shadow of myself». I deceive myself because my heart is hurting – it’s broken over the years – I just didn’t understand it until now.

 

Starting with «blank sheets» is not easy, but no one has told me that life is easy, just because someone is more fortunate than others. I must accept the cold reality. There are no more acts or chapters in this life. I go back to the beginning as far as I can. Try to erase or erase parts of my life. It is not possible, but I try to make the bad memories smaller and weaker and that they do not control me. The process is bad, but I do not want the «shadows» from the past …

My «shadows» from the past tell me

 

-you don’t deserve love-

 

-you will never be happy again-

 

-You ruin everything you take in-

 

-you don’t deserve others to love you-

 

– this broken heart will forever be there and your pain will be unbearable –

 

– when you find happiness «the» must be empty

 

and so it goes on …..

 

My broken heart, I have begun to push together again. It gets many scars, big scars, but ultimately not open wounds, but it gets me back, but life doesn’t get the same. What is broken is never the same again. It will always have cracks. I can «paint» over so it’s not visible on the outside.

As a butterfly I grow and change and hope I find my true colors in life, a new meaning of quality of life that finds my fragile «wings» and I can «fly» and soon, just soon, be on the right path …

I’ve started to «fly» a little …

 

 

-orkidedatter-

 

 

Thank you very much to my family, especially my husband and my son❤️